A lot of times, Dads will be present but not truly present. Like, we’re physically sitting here, spending time with our families, but our attention is elsewhere.
Maybe it’s our minds wandering about work, last night’s game, or tomorrow night’s dinner. Maybe it’s our mindless scrolling through pure nonsense, none of which is actually that important.
Regardless, I’ve never heard a dad say building solid relationships isn’t important to them. Though most go about it in different ways, we inherently understand that forming these relationships with our kids leads to general happiness that is almost impossible to replicate without.
That happiness isn’t solely about them; it’s about you too! Spending quality time with our kids has extensive benefits for them, but Dads who spend more quality time with their children see major improvements in their lives, including lowered blood pressure and heart rate, improved sleep quality and increased duration, and several more.
Unfortunately, many of us struggle with taking that first step, thinking we need grand gestures or big gifts to build lifelong relationships. Like our kids will one day say, “Remember that life-size Barbie that Dad got us for Christmas one year? Best dad ever!”
No, the memories behind great relationships are often built by millions of tiny moments that are so insignificant that they are unworthy of being repeated in story form. Still, when put together, they lead to a life-giving relationship we can be proud of.
More often than not, it’s quality time our kids are looking for. Thankfully you have all the tools necessary to deliver that gift.
Here are five simple ideas to start making quality time today.
Play a game
My girls love the game Taco vs. Burrito. It’s a game where all the players have folded paper tacos or burritos. Throughout the game, each player takes turns choosing cards, some of which are nonsensical items to add to our food item or action cards that allow you to pick discarded items out of the trash or form a food fight. The game is insane, and it’s the best. My three-year-old likes to play, and although she plays wrong most of the time, the quality time we spend playing the game is priceless.
Board games, sports games, computer games, you name it. There are endless options to choose from when incorporating games into your quality time. The rules are almost irrelevant when creating lifelong memories with the family.
Go for a walk
I love a good walk. After I got laid off, I had a lot of free time on my hands. When I look back on this time, one of my favorite memories will be the afternoons when Rae and I took the dogs for walks.
Usually, when I take the dogs for a walk, I have my headphones on and catch up on podcasts and music. I enjoy the stimulation, but admittedly there is something peaceful about listening to your surroundings. You feel more connected with the world around you.
When Rae and I took our walks, that connection was seamless. Conversations about her classmates would happen naturally, and I found myself trying to answer a lot of questions, mainly about trees and clouds and all sorts of things I know little about. Most importantly, our walks were distraction-free moments for both of us to simply talk and enjoy the little things in life.
Go for a walk with your kids. It could be around the block or a bit longer. In addition to the exercise, getting outside and having a conversation is a great way to connect. The loudest moments are often the simplest.
Make a meal together
Making a meal with kids is the perfect activity. In addition to being productive, the kids are almost always engaged in what you’re doing. Of course, you might occasionally deal with a couple spills or a mishap, but spending quality time in the kitchen leads to healthy relationships, potentially on the plate and in life.
Quality time isn’t defined by what’s said. It is simply about maximizing your time when you’re in those moments. Most dads pull out their phones when they’re bored or want to be distracted from what’s happening in front of them. When you start cooking with the kids, you have no option but to be engaged in that moment.
That’s the beauty of cooking! You don’t have to be great. Greatness isn’t the point. Of course, you’ll get better over time, and if you’re already great, passing your gift to your children is a beautiful thing to do.
Quality time in the kitchen has infinite benefits, so spend that quality time in the most important room in the house.
Have a heart to heart
Vulnerability is at the center of any healthy relationship. The issue is, somewhere in our past, most dads were taught that vulnerability is a weakness not to be shown.
I wrote about this in-depth in the article Somebody Lied To Us, but to summarize the piece, a lack of emphasis on vulnerability has led to a less fulfilling and even shorter life for men.
We deserve to be honest with ourselves and the people around us and pass that vulnerability to the next generation.
A heart-to-heart with the kids doesn’t have to be when we’re dishing out consequences. It can be, and naturally will be, but when’s the last time you had a heart-to-heart with your kids just because?
We’ve got these little people in our homes with their own relationships, experiences, and lives outside of what we know. You may ask, “How was your day?” but we all know that question is unlikely to yield much of a response other than “good.”
Ask about their dreams, fears, and even silly things like their favorite plants or planets. A heart-to-heart doesn’t need to be an emotional event each time. It’s all about asking intentional questions and listening intently.
Engage in arts & crafts
We’ve got an arts & crafts table in our house. It’s small. By now, it’s got a lot of miles on it, but it’s a place where the kids can go wild and use their imagination in several ways.
When I look at my girls playing independently, I always think, “Why don’t I do this more often?” And then my inner child makes noise, and I think, “Why don’t I do this more often?”
Creativity is a beautiful thing. It unlocks educational developments, helps calm us down, etc. But, when we sit down to draw or build with mega blocks, we’re locked into the task at hand. Why not lock in together?
So, next time you pull out the arts & crafts, do it together! Draw a picture. Build a Lego house. Good is not the objective. The objective is to create quality time with the people you love.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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